Wednesday, June 30, 2010

1 Corinthians 13

For those of you that aren't familiar or don't have a Bible handy, here's the chapter:

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  

Love never fails.  But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophecy in part,
But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love."

I read this chapter this week, and the bolded part stood out to me (verse 10).  I had heard the "love is patient, love is kind" passage, as well as the last verse, but I had never read the entire chapter.  To me, verse 10 is the most powerful.  When perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.  This speaks to the cleansing power of love, and of faith.  No matter what we have wrong with us, or what wounds we have, love comes in and washes them clean, heals them until we are perfect despite our flaws.

This makes me think of marriage; how you can take two incomplete, flawed people, but once they find love and become a single unit, they are also suddenly complete individuals on their own.  I had never been able to find the words, but this verse has said it for me.  Love does not take away, it adds to us and fills gaps in our hearts.  If we have a relationship in our life that is chipping away at us, we know that it can't be love, not the pure, healing love that we all deserve.  The people in our life should heal us and lift us up, and we should do the same for them.  Love is not a game of give and take; if both sides are giving 100%, they are also gaining 100%.

I found this verse so moving, so I had to share.  It reminded me of the power of love, and the way I should be loving in my life.  So many times we are looking inward, trying to see what we can get from a relationship, when that attitude only hurts both parties.  I'll keep this chapter bookmarked in my Bible so I can take a minute every now and then to reevaluate myself and my relationships, and hopefully it will allow me to love more fully, and be a little more selfless.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Connor Update

Since I last wrote, we found out that Connor has a cow's milk protein allergy.  We've been to the hospital and doctor several times for a range of issues including Acid Reflux, vomiting, fussiness, and blood in his stool.  I cut dairy and soy from my diet (60% of babies with cow's milk protein allergy also have a soy allergy), and Connor has been doing much better.  He's gaining weight, and is in the 25th percentile for height and weight, and the 50th percentile for head size.

We saw a pediatric GI today and he looked at Connor's symptoms and agreed that it's a cow's milk protein allergy.  He said that I need to stay dairy and soy free until Connor is 6-9 months old, and at that point we'll do some blood tests and see if we can reintroduce some foods.  It's been a rough few weeks, but we're working through it.

Here's a picture of Connor at 1 month old:

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Connor is losing weight :(

So at his one week appointment, Connor was gaining weight and was up to 7lbs 8oz (he got down to 7lbs 5oz in the hospital).  A week later we went back to the doctor to get Connor circumcised (which ended up not happening, but that's a different story), and he had lost weight and was back down to 7lbs 5oz.  The pediatrician told us to feed him every 2 hours and to come back today to check his weight again.

All week, Connor had been eating every 2 hours or less (occasionally making it to 3 hours, but a lot of times only going one hour between feedings), and I thought for SURE that he would've gained weight.  Well, he lost another ounce, and is down to 7lbs 4oz at this point.  I know my supply isn't an issue, I have a ton of milk, I just don't know why he's not getting what he needs!

So, now we're giving him formula so we can monitor how much he eats and his calorie intake, and we'll see the doctor again on Friday.  In the meantime, I'll be pumping and saving my breast milk for future use.  If on Friday he is still losing weight (or isn't gaining), we'll have to check him into the hospital until we figure out what the issue is.  I'm so afraid for my little guy, and can't help but feel guilty.  Bryan is supposed to return to work on Saturday, but he has more time available to take off if we end up having to take Connor to the hospital.

I'm really hoping that after our appointment I can go back to breast feeding, or at least pumping and giving him breast milk in a bottle.  I also hope that whatever is going on with him is easily fixed or managed so Connor isn't sick or in pain; I feel so helpless for my poor little baby.  Please keep us in your prayers.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Memorial Day

We had a fun Memorial Day yesterday; it was our first outing with Connor (besides doctor's appointments), and he did so well!  We went to grandma's house for a BBQ, then to see Bryan's friends who are in town for just a few days.  We had a lot of fun.  Here's us at grandma's: